A Tribute to my Dad and those remembered on 9-11

Through Tragedy One Learns To Appreciate Life and Find Laughter Again"

We all experienced an unforgettable day 14 years ago.  One which rocked many of us to our core.  As we watched the news in horror on Sep. 11, 2001, the tears rolling down our faces as if we knew every single person personally who perished on that fateful day.  It was such a shock to me that other individuals across the globe could have so much hate in their hearts for us as Americans.  

As you age, time seems to go by faster and faster.   It doesn’t feel like 14 years ago.   I know exactly where I was when I heard the news, and for several days after only wishing I knew how to help the families experiencing excruciating grief.   I couldn’t shut off the television because, it still felt like an out of body experience.   I didn’t know anyone personally but, I do have friends and family that did and actually do know of a couple people that were supposed to be on  one of the flights that didn't arrive in their intended destination and in the towers for work.  There were a couple people from our beautiful little town of Manhattan Beach which lost their lives, and I remember hearing about them at church during our daily visits to church that week and that following Sunday morning.   So many thousands of lives, cut much too short!  

After the shock of it all sunk in, many of us in the travel industry headed to New York within weeks of the tragic events for a travel fair and to show the world that we would not stop doing what we love.    As Americans millions of us share the passion for travel, which drives us to immerse ourselves in amazing cultural experiences in destinations throughout the globe. 

I can’t imagine my life without being able to get on a plane and seeing the ancient historical sites, dining in fabulous authentic local restaurants, drinking their signature cocktail or local wines, visiting the ornate churches, walking through cities when the attractions, monuments, and plaza’s are lit up so beautifully at night, hearing the sounds of sweet music from the cafes or street musicians, seeing breathtaking paintings come to life before my very eyes, or enjoying any cross cultural opportunity that presents itself while exploring a familiar or new city.  

I believe God intended us to travel so, that we could appreciate even more the precious life and similarities we share as humans regardless of where we live on this planet or how rich or poor one might be.  It puts a smile on my face to know that the terrorists, saw that we did not collapse as a society despite the most horrific acts against us.  We as Americans pulled together financially and emotionally to support families and first responders during the worst of times and continue to have love and hope to share when needed.  

No doubt, there will be scars for many for the rest of their life as they continue to be reminded annually of the loss of friends and family.   Some I’m sure have never recovered, and they will have a hole in their heart forevermore.  Fortunately, the rest of us have managed to continue on with our daily lives and only occasionally are reminded about these sad events.  Many times over the years, I have thought it could have been me or someone from my own family or close friends.  A few things we all know for sure are; life is unpredictable, it is shorter for some than for others as Cancer and many other diseases take our loved ones, wasted time is not able to be recaptured, a life of kindness and gratitude allows joy into our hearts and those that share our lives, a smile and laughter is universal, and there is so much out of our control, and change and death itself are both guaranteed.   Each day, I am reminded to just leave it in God’s hands to work things out.  Most  important is, that I make sure to understand the intended lesson.  

Today was the perfect example, of how precious life’s lessons can be even at a time of loss.   As my sons and I were on our way to the Riverside National Cemetery to have my father’s memorial and internment service, I realized 30 minutes into our drive that I had forgotten to bring my dad.  Yes, his ashes were left at home.  I’m sure you can understand the panic and anxiety I felt at that moment, as I looked over and told my sons.   For a moment I considered crying but, then thought laughing would so much be better.  So I then laughed for the next 5 minutes, as I was wondering what I was going to do.  It was too late to turn around as it was a military service and I knew they would not wait for me.   Then I thought what would my friends do?   I immediately began calling friends and neighbors until I got a hold of two people who helped by getting into my house, locating my father’s ashes and placing them outside for pick up and delivering them to the driver.  You guessed it, we contacted UBER and my son reached out to the driver to tell him of our plight.  Thankfully, my father made it to the cemetery about an hour after we arrived.  He was able to be interned in his new peaceful resting place this afternoon, "almost" without a hitch.

The best part of the story is that my Dad hadn’t driven for about 20 years and took a taxi whenever he could not find a ride.  If he was mad that I could not take him somewhere, he would say “fine, I’ll just take a taxi”.   It usually brought a chuckle to myself because, I knew he wanted to go gambling at the casino regardless if he had to bring a walker and oxygen tank in tow.    Today in our rush to get there on time became another one of those moments that I was just too busy with life’s responsibilities to take him somewhere.  So, he managed from above to have the “last laugh” as he got his own driver and took Uber (which he had not done before) to his own burial.  

I’m certain my dad, Sam, my brother, sister in law and uncles must have just been laughing as hard as my sons, nephews and nieces, cousin and I.  Although,  for some reason my mother didn’t find it as humorous.  Nevertheless, it will now be a family story that will live on and they will be able to share it with their kids, and grand kids.   

The service was an impressive military ceremony with the Honor Guard, the Gun salute, Taps, and Flag ceremony. Followed by a perfect sermon by Father Connor, who impressed us so much as he managed to memorize our family members who have gone before him.  He shared some stories about my Dad that I provided, and made us all laugh when he acknowledged that this was the first time that he presided over a service where someone had to get themselves there by Uber.   

I’m sure that my dad is smiling from above, and very happy I managed to pull it all together for our family service to honor him. I feel the lesson learned is, that I need to slow down and take a look around as I just might discover the most important person or thing of that day is right before my eyes.

As well as, remembering to not take life too seriously as laughter allows us to smile once again. Even in life’s saddest of times.   He may have been forgotten for a brief time today but, I’ll always remember his smile, his holding my hand,  the smell of his Old Spice cologne, the times when he told me he was proud of me, playing a game of pool with the pool shark himself,  seeing the smile on his face when he played Poker or Blackjack, his ear to ear grin when he tried to discipline my sister and brother after having a party when our parents were away, his usual….”I was thinking” phrase before he wanted to convince you to do something, and especially when he told me that he wished he could take Sam’s place in heaven to make my pain go away. 

A parent’s love is special, and these are a few of the things that will keep him in my heart as I continue this journey of life until I see him again in heaven.   

Reflections of Life, Love and Travel ---"Till Death Do Us Part"

It was one year ago, that I truly knew the finality of these words.   As I watched you battle Cancer,  I never allowed the thoughts to enter my mind that you would never be able to once again get into that Pacific Ocean and catch a wave,  have a delicious dinner paired with a great bottle of wine,  get on another plane to your beloved Hawaii,  go down the coast in  your hot little red MG,  be here to have Tequilla shots with our family on Christmas day, or discuss that Turkey recipe you talked about with your favorite Scotsman, see you with your buddy watching sports or your A&E shows with that Scotch bottle and beer near at hand,  quickly followed by talking cars or the tribulations of having driven wives, watch you smoking cigars with your older boys on a family vacation, being at another surf meet, ending a day having ice cream or cookies in bed with me as we  excitedly awaited the new season of our favorite shows,   me looking over at you behind the BBQ preparing a great steak dinner for our friends,  or saying goodnight and that you Loved me. 

If only you would have not tried to protect me from your pain, and intuition that this was going to end badly.  I would have tried to spend even more time being at your side, to just sit and talk about our life together and the memories that meant the most and those that would get me through the dark days of mourning your loss.  The intensity of your pain was not something that I could feel or comprehend, as you were so strong and didn’t want this burden you carried living in me each and every day.  Only when you could no longer handle the pain on your own less than 10 days from your departure from this earth, did I fully grasp the tragedy of seeing your body taken over by this life destroying disease and that our yesterdays were now our history and future.  

As we neared the end, all I could do was be there to hold your hand, remind you that I Loved You even when you could no longer say the words yourself, have our dear family and friends come share some last moments with you, shed the tears that needed to leave my body as I held tightly on to one or all of our boys, fill the house with the sound of Hawaiian music and remind myself that you were going to that beautiful place with shining stars and remarkable sunsets, and would be with  God and other family members who had left us before you.  I knew it would be your happy place forever more with the most perfect waves and beauty beyond compare. 

It pained me so to let you go but, it is what I know now is part of a master plan.  People may come and go but, the memories, the joy, and the feelings will live on in all those you touched into eternity. Each generation of our family will remember you through stories, pictures, or your personal possessions passed on. 

Those nearest to you and I have had a year to reflect on the beauty of a man who was happy to stand and watch the crowd without being the center of attention, one who would be there to cheer on those he loved at a life event, a man who enjoyed capturing the most candid of moments through your own lens, and a proud Hawaiian who lived with Aloha and for the silence on a perfect wave finding your personal peace and happiness. 

You told me long ago that should you not be here for some reason one day that you wanted me to be happy, to look forward and to love again.  So, I know you are looking down on me and telling the other angels, “ that’s my wife I knew she would survive it.”   This was a life changing year in every way, and I did survive with tremendous love and support.  I somehow managed to thrive, and now feel so incredibly alive once again.  This journey has made me see life through a clearer lens, as I know that it can change and disappear in a split second.  My appreciation for everything is so much greater having been through this life lesson.  You are so very missed by many but, will never be forgotten. I  know you will always be sending me blessings, as you have so many times this past year.  I  am certain you are happy to see the path I am on.  

I will from this day forward leave my disappointments, regrets and grief of these past two years behind me so,  I can truly be happy,  love to the fullest, and share all I’ve learned with those special people that are a part of my life.  I’ll keep your memories alive as we did with our unforgettable Dinner on the Beach Wednesday evening celebrating you, where many of us felt your presence.   I’ll keep you in my heart, and will go on living and loving with purpose the life that was intended me with deepest gratitude for all that you brought to my world.  I’ll promise to “Live in the Moment”, and be forever proud that I was Sam St. Germain’s wife ,  “Till Death Do Us Part”  resonated in my soul. 

Reflections of Life, Love and Travel ---“Love and Honesty”

No smoke screens here,  I believe in “Love and Honesty”.   Anyone who really knows me, knows that this is my M.O.    It is what makes me who I am.  

This philosophy lives deep within me, and I have applied it to all my relationships.   With the men who have shared my life, my children, my parents, my family, my friends and with my work relationships.  I find that it keeps me true to myself and my core beliefs.

When I love someone,  I definitely have distinct ways of showing when I’m happy, sad, or angry.  Regardless of whether the person receiving the information likes what they hear, they will always know that it is coming from my heart because I love them. 

Some of you reading this now, will be able to nod your head because you have been that person across the table or the room from me.  Close friends and family might even say, “don’t make that Puerto Rican mad.”   It does take a lot to make me angry but, it does happen on occasion.  My kids are definitely nodding their heads now.  I am happiest when I’m with a special someone who fuels my mind, body and soul from deep within, which makes me shine outwardly to all who know me.   I’ve always felt that being in love is an unbelievable feeling, and one that can have so many levels of intensity with different individuals. 

I do believe that honesty is a necessity to any relationship.   I know for me and most of my friends, once we begin to question the honesty of someone it quickly begins to peel away layers of  faith and trust instantly.   It is very hard to regain that unquestionable level of trust again, once betrayal or deceit has been discovered.   This applies to all levels of human relationships I’ve experienced.   With honesty, I’ve found that people always know what to expect from me and have respected me more for it. 

In personal relationships they know that I will tell them what is in my heart, and express it from a loving place.  I am always thinking of their safety, well-being, or future.  In business, my clients know that I have integrity and will not make promises I can’t keep or pretend to know something I don’t. 

As a parent, I’ve found that both love and honesty need to be expressed daily.   Even though, my sons and I have our disagreements I know that if I was gone tomorrow they would easily be able to say, “she loved me with all her heart and only wanted the best for me.”   I try to be their cheerleader, whenever the opportunity arises.  Although,  I know there is always room for improvement.  It is a two way street of showing love in verbal and non-verbal ways towards one another.   One simple way is by taking the initiative to help around our home.  It shows me that they love, respect me, and appreciate what I do for our family daily.  I can’t do it all, and a little help goes a very long way.  But, honesty lives on forever.  It allows you to truly know a person.

So, I pray that you may be so lucky to have incredible partners, family, friends, children, business collegues and other loved ones that make you feel as special as those that share their lives with me.  My motto is, “work hard, play hard, and love hard!”  It is through “Love and Honesty”, that I plan to continue living a long, experiential, and heartfelt existence until I am called home to see my maker in the heavens above.  

Reflections of Life, Love and Travel ---“Life and Death”

Once again these past few weeks have shown me, how life can be fleeting and so unfair for  many that are taken much  too soon from their beloved family and friends here on earth.   Unfortunately, every day is really about Life and Death. 

As I sat at a memorial service yesterday at the very same church where we sat almost a year ago to say our Aloha to my husband Sam, I had such sadness in my heart for the loss and pain my friend and her children had to bear as they said goodbye to their father, and ex-husband of 16 years and friend/partner of 26 years. 

It feels like yesterday that I walked down that aisle with a church full of family and friends. I once again recalled the pain in my heart, and the sadness in my soul on that day and for months following.  As the service began, it was hard to fight back the tears.   But this time the tears were not for me they were for my friend and my knowledge of the journey she and her children will be embarking on.  For I have learned so many life lessons through the loss of my husband.    I remembered the tears that flowed down my face that day, and how difficult it was to believe that this person who I loved would not walk in my front door or down the drive way again with his surfboard, make his sons laugh, make me smile, cook us dinner, surf another wave, play with our dogs, or enjoy a fun evening or vacation with our friends and family. 

However as Monsignor Barry said today, it doesn’t mean they are no longer with you or that you can’t talk to them any longer.  I have had many conversations with Sam over this past year.  He just can’t respond in person, or give me that “are you crazy look” any longer.  I do very much feel his presence in my life, his encouragement for me to move forward and be happy and to love once again.

I have learned over and over this year, that life is meant to be lived….really lived!  Time is a precious commodity! So many of us live on a treadmill of life, jumping off for a short time every once in awhile to appreciate our blessings, our families and friends, and the beauty surrounding us.   The joys shared with my friends and family this year have been many.   I know that Sam must be very proud of me and our boys for how we’ve traveled this road, and come out of the darkness and fog we felt much wiser and stronger than we could have imagined. Not to say, that there haven’t been set backs or difficult days at times.  But, with all the love we have received it made it so much easier to take one step at a time. Sam wanted love and happiness for us, and we have survived many firsts without him this year.   I have personally been reminded that life can be short more than I like, with the recent losses for my friends and family. 

On any given day, we can mourn the death of a good soul and simultaneously celebrate the joys of new babies being born to our friends, their children, and others.  It is truly, “the Circle of Life.”  There are many surprises in life,  I’ve chosen to embrace them because they are sometimes messages, gifts or guidance from those who have departed.   It will take time but, I believe I will one day understand them all.  

I will continue to” Live in the Moment” , by sharing  joy and compassion freely, living life large and loving deeply those that touch my heart,  for there is no guarantee of tomorrow.   

Reflections of Life, Love and Travel -"Memories"

Living in the Moment ---Reflections of Life, Love and Travel ---“Memories”

I know we all wonder as we get older,  where did all those years go?  Some things we remember as if they were yesterday, and others we can’t even recall.   It is through unforgettable experiences which brought us happiness, sadness, excitement, pain,  or elation that these memories become etched deep in our hearts.    It seems that some of the stupid silly things are the things that I seem to remember most.

As I think about  the 17 years I had with Sam, there are so many memories that I look back on daily that will bring a smile to my face, laughter to my soul, and sadness to my heart.  But, I wouldn’t  trade those years because they are the good and bad of life and the glue that kept us together.  It allowed us the time to build a beautiful family of those with our DNA and those without.   How lucky we were to have shared this time together!  I’m finding that It is true, you sometimes never fully appreciate someone until they are gone.  So now, I Thank him each day for being there for me then and now.   He is present in my heart every day and showing me the way of how to continue to live life and be happy.  That is without a doubt, what he wanted most of all was for me and our boys.  To live our lives,  and to be happy each and every day.  He  left us all, with a part of him .  He is now resting in his beautiful island home with his mother and grandparents  beside a beautiful Plumeria tree,  and he will forever live on through us and those he left with memories. 

I received a beautiful poem from a good friend before we took Sam home to Hawaii in May,  which speaks volumes to me of what I believe is the message Sam is sending me now.

 

A LIFE REMEMBERED

MISS ME….BUT, LET ME GO….

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me,

I want no rites in a gloom-filled room,

Why cry for a soul set free.

Miss me a little, but not too long,

And not with your head bowed low.

For this is a journey we all must take,

And each must go alone.

It’s all part of life’s plan,

A step on the road to home

When you are lonely and sick at heart,

Go to the family and friends we know,

And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,

Miss me, but let me go

(Author unknown)

It may be a new chapter in my life that I am beginning now but, one that will move forward with all the beautiful memories we created and lessons learned from a good life with a great guy.  I know he is smiling down on me now knowing that I am going to be ok, and sending me his blessing to make new memories that also warm my heart and put a smile on my face

March 28, 2014

Reflections of Life “Girlfriends are like Diamonds”

I am so incredibly fortunate to say, that I have several ladies that I call my very special girlfriends(BFF’s).  They have been there during my happiest of times to the saddest, and most tragic of times.   These are people that shine as bright as Diamonds in my life. 

Diamonds come in all shapes and sizes, and as we know so do friends.  It doesn’t matter which shape or size they might be because, they all play an integral part in your life.  They are  individually  there to provide as much love, joy, and laughter as you need at any given moment.  

They shine as bright as the stars and moon, at varying times to help carry you through life’s challenges.  I have seen that each friend brings their own very special talents to our friendship.  Some are the comedians when you need to laugh, some are the creative ones that can find just the right activity to distract you from your deepest sorrow, some are the ones that can make your taste buds salivate from the amazing dishes they put together for a fun girls night, some are the ones that you know always have your back personally, professionally , financially and even organize your house for you,  some will use their talents and be there for the very  last precious moments of  one’s life,  and then there are ones that will get on a dance floor with you and feel  that soul moving music as much as you and then will gently remind you to never do that move again.  But, most important of all is, they all are there to just listen and comfort you when you need to get through life’s difficult road.

These girlfriends are like a prism reflecting off of a multi-faceted diamond as it slowly turns. They encompass all colors, ethnic backgrounds and stages of life, from childhood through your lifetime.  They provide so many beautiful memories and shared experiences that you cannot help but smile, laugh or cry.

A diamond is the hardest mineral on earth, and these girlfriends are also the strongest of all.  They are the ones that you know will be with you through “thick or thin.”  I won’t say that everyone is scratch proof like a diamond but, they are less resistant to take something personal . They will not let you down, even if you are having a bad day and might not be “politically correct” or have accidentally offended them.  Although, I’ve found a quick apology is the best practice.   They get you, and understand that life isn’t always easy and you only share your “deepest “ feelings and emotions with them because they have been chosen to be a part of your inner circle. 

The relationship between girlfriends is one that most men do not understand.  Like the rarest diamonds in a variety of colors, these girlfriends are the rarest gems who enrich and support our mental well -being.  The best of them float to the top, just like a real diamond.  

I hope that you are blessed to have wonderful girlfriends in your life, as I do.  They each know how very much they mean to me and how much I love them. But, I want them to all know that my life especially now would not be the same without them.   If I haven’t told them enough, I want to remind them that I will be there for them whenever their life’s journey becomes difficult or derailed.  They are my most precious gem, and I will treasure them forever.